American Heroes— 23 March 2020

by Johnny Shaw

“Motherfucker coughed.” “Which motherfucker?” “That motherfucker right there.” “He cover his mouth?” “What do you think?” “Motherfucker.” “Does he look Chinese to you?” “Are there blond Chinese?” “He coughed though.” “What should we do about it?” “We should be heroes.”

“Did you get any on you?” “I don’t think so.” “I’m clean.” “Me, too.” “That was messier than I thought it would be.” “Yeah.” “A stuck pig.” “Was that the right thing to do?” “You sure you didn’t get nothing on you. It was messy.” “I don’t think so.” “Don’t matter. Clean up.” “But.” “Remember to wash your hands for twenty seconds.” “I don’t think I got nothing on me.” “Twenty seconds. Flirting With Disaster until ‘I choose my destiny’.” “I know the song.” “Just wash them. Better safe than sorry.” “Okay.” “Twenty seconds. Molly Hatchet.” “I know.”

“I need to clear my throat.” “The fuck do I care?” “It’s going to sound like a cough.” “You don’t think I can tell the difference?” “I don’t know if you can. Better safe than sorry, right?” “Right. Why do you need to clear your throat?” “I just do.” “You getting sick?” “No.” “How do you know?” “I don’t feel sick.” “I don’t like it. Sounds fishy to me.” “Fishy? What the fuck are you talking about?” “Nothing. Don’t clear your throat until I’m in the next room.”

“Should we do a jigsaw puzzle?” “I’ve been thinking.” “Yeah? About what?” “How we decided to ride this out together.” “What about it?” “It was a mistake.” “But we bought all that beer.” “That wasn’t a mistake.” “We got all the TP before anyone else.” “Essential, man. I need a thorough wipe.” “We bought nineteen pounds of cheddar for nachos.” “Obviously.” “Then what was the mistake?” “Not doing this alone.” “What do you mean?” “There ain’t enough for both of us.” “Nineteen pounds is a lot of cheddar.” “Yeah, but nineteen is better than nine and a half.” “You know I suck at math.” “Hey, what’s that over there?” “Over wh—?”

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